mid-life crisis

A friend recently mentioned that she thought she might be heading for an early mid-life crisis; that she's not sure what she wants from life, but it's not what she's doing now.

 

I'm of the opinion that the 'mid-life crisis' is really a 'ticked most of the boxes - marriage, family, career, house, etc, middle class, overwhelmed but still time to analyse in a way previous generations with a more physically-demanding lifestyle, middle-class crisis'. And a lot of people are doing all that earlier, so it's hitting earlier. 

 

My mid-life crisis has been going on for years, and I finally figured out that (for me) I need to look outwards, hence the travel plans. A whistle-stop tour of a checklist of sites/sights wouldn't do it - I have to spend some time absorbing different cultures and seeing how other people live. Volunteer work would achieve something similar. 

 

Possessions aren't important in themselves, nor is money, and children will move into their own, separate lives eventually. So while all of those things are fine in their place, you can have them all and still have a big gaping hole that you only notice when you no longer have to focus on accumulating the 'stuff'. That's when people find religion (in the broadest sense) - a sense of your own tiny place in the universe (as opposed to the younger version where you're the centre of the universe), or become bitter and resentful if they don't get through this stage. And it's tough, because it's such a paradox - you're significant, but you're also tiny in the scheme of things; you're important in some contexts, but not indispensable.

 

I think I'm probably at a stage in life when things are finally falling into place and making sense. Not always the way I'd envisaged them happening, not always how I want them to happen, but it's all ok. All those platitudes about 'nothing is forever', 'nobody is indispensable', blah blah blah ... are right. I still like to be in control of things, but I started a new phase after Miss Tizz was born, and all the drama that went along with that, and then through the pregnancy/birth with the X-man. I remember very clearly thinking, when I made the decision to refuse a planned caesarean section second time around, that if the worst happened and my uterus ruptured (as the doctors threatened) and I died, then that was part of life and death, and I was ok with it. Not an ideal outcome of course, but I was at peace with the risk assessment I'd made, I thought my odds were good, and I could just go with whatever happened. I believe it's a huge part (together with other factors, some of which I engineered - like having a wonderfful independent midwife as support - and some of which were just luck - like amarvellous,considerate, respectful obstetrician being on duty at the right time) of why the X-man's's birth was so very different to Miss Tizz's's, despite them both being emergency caesareans.

I think that was the start of it for me, and the realisation that it's all about the journey, not the destination.

keeping it simple

I've noticed that whenever I start becoming stressed about something, when I can't seem to make a decision and when it all seems a bit difficult, that the obvious answer - and usually one that's far simpler than the solutions I've been pondering - starts bombarding me from many directions. At times, it takes me a while to see it, but when I do, the pattern is very clear.

I have realised:

• I don't need an iPhone - it might be nice, but I've managed just fine until now, so it's not something I need to worry about.
• I don't need to take a netbook or a laptop or an internet-enabled mobile phone overseas - if I need the internet, there are internet cafes, and plenty of hotels provide internet facilities.
• I don't need to plan everything down to the last detail - as long as we have transport and accommodation organised, we can play the rest by ear.
• I don't need to find the ultimate travel guide - I can always find an information centre, and talk to the hotel staff and locals (and am far more likely to find the good stuff that way).
• I don't need to pre-pay all the bills and freeze meals and organise everything for the males of the family when Miss Tizz and I head off on our travels - the husband is perfectly capable of handling the day-to-day stuff.
• The children don't need any more stuff, they just need our time.
• Often I don't need a prepackaged solution to something - in fact, often I don't need a solution at all because there is no problem. Marketers are very good at creating problems and then selling us their solutions, and none of it is necessary.

The common factor with all these is that I don't need. And if I don't need, I can just eliminate them as a stressor.

Simple really.

state of the desk - part 2

Ta da! All tidied up, and a much better work space.

In the process, I rediscovered this gorgeous little fellow, who has been languishing in a little black box under an avalanche of paper for the past few months, and who is now on display, as he should be:

I remembered how much I love this old desk, and I'll give it some attention and see if I can polish out some of the scratches. I think I'll move the desktop computer around to the left a bit, and give the laptop a bit more space. I'm planning on cleaning up the computers as well, and archiving a lot of files, and I'd like to transfer my current work to the laptop (which has a bigger hard drive and faster processor than the desktop machine), but hook the big monitor into it.

The other thing I found on the desk was a small sheaf of papers relating to the death of a former colleague. David Green was an amazing man who achieved a lot, but was incredibly modest (I only found out a lot of what he did at the funeral and later), and willing to take on someone who was pretty new to the business but keen to learn. He's the reason I had the confidence to go out on my own and why nothing is impossible. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to work with him, even for the short time before he died so unexpectedly, and the things I learnt from him are still very relevant to me ten years later. Thanks David.

plans for the year

I'm not going to call them resolutions, because I'm not very good at keeping resolutions and then I just feel like a failure, but I do have some things I'd like to do in 2010.

1. The trip to Europe is the biggie. There are times when I don't know if I'll be able to save enough in time, but I'll be doing my darnedest to make it happen.
2. Sort out my superannuation. In cleaning up my desk today, i found statements from three different super funds, none of them with a huge amount in them, but it's silly to be paying three lots of fees. So I will be rolling them in together, after I update my name on two of them, and work out where to put it all (any advice gratefully received - this is not my forte!).
3. Sewing. I'd like to have a go at refashioning old clothes hanging in the back of the wardrobe, and making new things. I'd like to finally figure out how my overlocker works, after having done nothing more than hem some wipes with it when the kids were babies. I've made a start on clearing the sewing table, and there's not really too much more to do to make it usable - I just need to do it.
4. Get some value from the Questacon and National Gallery memberships we have before they expire (May 2010 for the national Gallery, May 2011 for Questacon).
5. Make more things from scratch - food and other products. I've collected and researched a lot, and now I need to put some of these things into practise. It's about saving money, not relying as much on processed items, organising my time better, and showing the children that there are alternatives.
6. Read more books. Real paper books. I want to make a serious dent in the linear metres of books I have stacked by my bedside.
7. Spend less time online. My work is computer-based, my friendships depend on online contact to a large extent these days, but I really don't need to spend as much time as I do playing games.
8. Get more sleep. I have a very bad habit of staying up late at night and getting by on far less sleep than I should. I've been doing it for years, and it's all caught up with me recently. So I will be turning into a pumpkin around midnight, and then trying to bring bedtime back little by little.
9. Get healthy - 5 + 7 + 8 + more activity, especially as my energy levels increase. I've been remarkably lucky healthwise to date, but I need to take into consideration that I'm now 44, and take a bit more care. Or a lot more care.
10. Get organised. This is something I struggle with. I like the idea of being a free spirit, but I know it's easier to be spontaneous and creative and fun when your environment is calm and running smoothly. And no-one can make that happen for me but me.

They're in no particular order, and there are a lot of connections between all these things. I'm not going to attempt to change everything at once - tried that and failed miserably - but take it step by step and make it happen.

Desiderata

.
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.


Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952
Source
More information at www.osp1692.org/osp/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=49&Itemid=139 and www.fleurdelis.com/desidera.htm

everybody's doing it

... a New Year's Eve wrap up, that is.

So - 2009. I think the word for the year, for me, has to be 'change'. There have been sad farewells, frustrations and a lot of what felt like treading water. There has been hope and planning. There have been seeds sown that will bear fruit in 2010, all being well.

I like change, but there's been so much of it this year it feels like I've been tumbling almost non-stop. There's been little time to recover and restabilise before the next thing hits. And that wears you out after a while. So I've spent a lot of this year exhausted.

As we move into a new decade (ok - so there's debate over whether it starts tomorrow or in a year's time, but I'll go with 2010), I realised it's been a whole decade of change. We were married and bought this house in 1999, and things were still settling domestically. The children were born in 2001 and 2003, so massive changes there. I left one job, went to something completely different, and was establishing my business at the same time (and now it's my sole source of income).

I've done a lot of research and reading and learning. It feels like preparation that will be put to use in the next phase of my life.

And I'm looking forward to 2010 and a whole year of new experiences.

time

I've been thinking about time lately.

Time seems to speed up the older you get. Six weeks of school holidays seemed like forever as a child, and now, as a parent, it just zips past and I don't manage to do half the things with the children that I'd like to do (or think I should do).

Days fly past with little to show, and yet I always seem to be doing something.

I used to work in radio, and a song that runs for a couple of minutes would be time enough to make a coffee, but three minutes elsewhere would be no time at all.

These days I seem to spend a lot of time waiting for other people - often the husband and children.

Sometimes I'm afraid that time is running out, and I haven't done half of what I meant to do with my life.

I often hear myself saying that I haven't got the time, but I have the same time as everyone else. It really is about how you use it.

Someone I worked with over 15 years ago said to me, when I was complaining that I didn't have enough time to paint and draw, that there are eight hours a day to work, eight hours a day to sleep, four hours to travel and eat and shower and all the other little things, and four hours to dedicate to what's important. Too often I forget that.

The other thing I tend to forget is that I can include the children in a lot of those hours, and I don't necessarily need to isolate myself from them in order to spend time doing the things I want to do.

us and them

We had a slow start to Boxing Day, before heading off to some friends' house for a couple of hours. They'd invited 'waifs and strays' - friends who are living here away from their extended families - to an open house: turn up when you like within certain hours, bring along your Christmas leftovers, and have a chat. Very simple. In theory.

But the breeders vs non-breeders divide became very apparent very quickly. At the same time as us (married with children), there was a father with his 6-week-old son (mum was home resting), the hosts and their 16-month-old son and another on the way, two grandmothers, a recently-'married' (not legally, but they've had a beautiful wedding and are as good as married) lesbian couple with no plans for children, and another guy who, from snippets of conversation, is either married and in a serious partnership, but without children.

And the conversation soon turned to things child-related - childbirth, breastfeeding, expectations and reality, and (of course) poo. The childless people became strangely silent ...

You seem to cross into a different world once you have children. Somehow it becomes acceptable to discuss bodily functions over afternoon tea, oblivious to the horrified expressions of the people nearby. You hear yourself doling out advice, especially when you have the oldest children in the room, even though it's something you swore you'd never do. You spend more of your time watching your children and making sure they don't destroy things than listening to or participating in adult conversation.

Of course, it was our kids who decided to be obnoxious today. Not the horrible throwing things and tantrums sort of obnoxious; more the in-your-face-wanting-attention type, the following-younger-children-around-and-not-leaving-them-be-when-they've-had-enough type, the getting-comfortable-in-someone-else's-house-and-inviting-themselves-into-the-'private'-part-of-the-house type. And then the whining type when it was time to go before we were asked to leave ...

I realised that most of our friends these days have children, and roughly in the same age group, so they get it when you're having a bad day. Most childless people don't, and know they would handle it better, and have well-behaved children. They would still manage to wear funky clothes and fabulous shoes and have perfect hair and would never let themselves go at all. And you know there's no point in telling them what it's really like because they won't truly believe you until they're experiencing it for themselves. I know I didn't.

There are, of course, fabulous days as a parent. Today was not one of them.

i have limits

We were at a memorial service for a friend's husband - a celebration of the life of a wonderful man who died a week ago at the age of 36. It was a marvellous service, with tributes from people who loved him well, and hundreds in attendance - a fitting testament to someone who touched many lives in such a positive way.

There were tears, and laughter at some of the stories about him, and a huge, concentrated outpouring of emotion.


By the end of the service, I was practically incapable of speaking. I seemed to absorb so much grief for this man that I'd only met a few times (although I'm friends with his equally amazing wife) that I had to remove myself from the situation in order to regroup and face the world again. Today wasn't about me, but this blog is, and what I realised is that I need to allow myself time and space to deal with not just my own emotions, but emotions I absorb from other people.

I don't know if this makes me what's sometimes called an empath, but it does explain my natural reluctance to allow emotion to take over in most situations, which can make me seem a bit cold at times. I'm not - I'm protecting myself - and when I let it in, it tends to have a massive impact.

It's late, and I'm probably not explaining this properly, but it's something I'd like to learn more about, so I can let the barriers down a bit more.

christmas shopping

There seems to be a theme developing here ...

The recent cash flow crisis has been averted, and today we made what is hopefully our last assault on the local mega shopping centre. It's two weeks until Christmas, and the idea of venturing in there again as the madness kicks into high gear fills me with terror.

Which is not to say we've finished the shopping. We're definitely toning it down this year, though. We're aiming to buy the kids' big presents early next week while they're still at school. We know what we're getting them, and where from, and it should be a quick and painless expedition. My five tween and teen nephews are getting gift cards, which has taken a lot of pressure off (and I think they'll appreciate the opportunity to choose something they'd really like, rather than something their aunty thinks is suitable!). And we want to wrap everything, and post the few things that need posting, by Wednesday.

I have given the husband full responsibility for the gifts for his side of the family, as our families do things very differently, and it has caused tension between us in the past. We agreed a few years ago that neither family would buy presents for our siblings and their spouses, and that helped a lot too (a typical exchange between the husband and his brother around this time of year would go something like: "What would you like for Christmas?" "Dunno. What would you like?" "Dunno. How about we just give each other money?" "Ok. How much?" "Dunno." "$50?" "Yep." And they would exchange $50 notes).

And I'm feeling a whole lot calmer about Christmas than I have in years :)

the truth hurts

I was teasing the kids at the dinner table tonight (lasagne & salad, all made from scratch using my trusty Thermomix, and with silverbeet from the garden hidden in the lasagne - the kids loved it!), saying we couldn't afford Christmas presents this year because we were too poor (because I'm mean and nasty like that. Heh!).

For some reason, they didn't take me too seriously (knowing that there are reliable gift-bearing grandparents heading this way helps). I said that instead of presents we can just spend the day together having fun, and Miss Tizz reminded me we could each wrap up a game we already had to play. But then she specified that I was NOT allowed to get on the computer. ALL DAY.

And that's what really matters to her - my time.

I know I spend too much time here - between my work, the bulk of my social life, researching everything from Roman history to crochet patterns to lasagne recipes, finding a video of the X-man's current favourite song, playing games, blogging, email, and the list goes on ...

When the kids are looking for me, this is the first place they check.

It's another thing I'm feeling a real compulsion to change, and I'm finding it very difficult. I don't know if it's an addiction, but if not, it's not far off, and I don't like it.

I'm going to try limiting my computer time when the kids are home. It's something I talked about over a year ago - the idea was that I'd work 9am-3pm school days - and I have totally failed. And I'm miserable about it, because it's not how I want them to remember their childhood.

So ... I'm going to take a deep breath, and have another go, starting tomorrow. Wish me luck!

busy-ness

Lately I've been consciously trying to avoid saying I'm busy. As a society, there seems to be some sort of competition to be the busiest, and I don't want to buy into that anymore.

Yes - I have things I need to do most days.

Yes - some days I have a LOT to get through.

Yes - some days I have so much to do that it seems impossible to meet deadlines and panic starts to set in.

BUT ... it is rare that something is so urgent that the world will come to a grinding halt if it's not done immediately, and it is ok to take some time for myself in the middle of it all to centre myself and stop the panic in it its tracks.

I've realised I use being busy as a cover for avoiding important things - busy and important don't always go together! I'm starting to weed out the time-wasting activities, and focusing on what's really important to me. Time to stop making excuses for not doing the things I've dreamed about because I'm 'too busy'. Time to get on with the good stuff :)

what do I want?

Today's Zen Habits post is entitled How to want very little - very apt after my post on priorities yesterday. It begins: "There are two challenges that people face when choosing to live a more simpler life: owning little and wanting little." The author talks about how wanting little is much harder than the decluttering and elimination involved in owning little, because it involves an attitude shift.

I find that these days I don't want a whole lot in terms of material goods - what I want is more about experience: travel, fun, sharing, trying new things, knowledge and so on. I have been struggling when relatives ask me what I want for Christmas and birthday presents, and usually come up with something I would need anyway (like clothes), or something related to the experiences I am working towards (contributions to the travel fund, a bigger memory card for my camera ...). I'm also struggling a bit with suggestions for what to buy the children - I would rather purchase a season ticket to an attraction they love, or put the money towards a combined holiday, than buy more 'stuff'.

And it's the 'stuff' we already own that is weighing me down. We're gradually decluttering, but it's a slow process. I love that I've been able to give friends certain items, and donate to the school fete and charities, but I have a secret desire to either a) set fire to the whole lot and start again, only replacing what we really need and love, or b) hiring a skip and just throwing stuff out - lots of it, ruthlessly. Of course, I'm far too sensible to do either of those things, but it's good to have a dream ;)

So I will go on with the decluttering, and resist the constant marketing hype, and hopefully pass on to my children that having more stuff isn't the answer to anything.

priorities

We have family coming over tomorrow, with three children under 10, one of whom is a two-year-old. The kids are staying with us for the afternoon while their parents go to a function. No problem, except that our house is no longer two-year-old proof. Eek!

So we have spent part of the past week, and most of today, clearing up a lot of things that our kids know not to touch, but which I'm not happy leaving around children who aren't used to them.

We've also moved a lot of things out to the garage (which is bursting at the seams!).

And I found myself getting into a strange state of mind - getting defensive about our worn furniture, the carpet that needs a thorough cleaning, the day-to-day clutter, and so on. You can currently see far more floor space than has been visible for a long time, but our home is very ... ummmm ... 'lived in'.

Of course, I'm comparing it to the house belonging to tomorrow's visitors. They've just put it up for auction, and they're looking for $1 million+. The real estate online listing shows an immaculate house - lots of light and space, pristine surfaces and manicured gardens. And I was starting to feel very inferior.

But then a friend said "You're not like her, are you?". And she's absolutely right. The million dollar house, full of hard surfaces and echoing spaces that result in a lot of harsh noise do nothing for me. I wouldn't have a house like that, even if I could afford it. I do like the tidiness, but not enough to spend all day picking up after husband and children. I like the space, but not enough to spend many hours each week cleaning it. I like nice furniture, but I like the idea of travelling much more.

So it's all a matter of priorities, and housework isn't one of mine. I'm good with that :)

step by step

I'm struggling a bit with everyday life. Not so unstable as a few weeks back, but so very, very tired that I'm constantly trying to catch up with things that should be automatic.

So it's time, once again, to write lists, get organised, and tackle everything one small step at a time. I'm so tired I literally can't think of what needs to be done next, and a detailed ongoing list will eliminate that problem - I just do whatever is next, and when something that needs doing presents itself, I add it to the bottom of the list. Everything is broken down into its components, so that nothing becomes overwhelming. An ongoing list that I tackle from top to bottom also means I don't avoid any task - when it reaches the top of the list, it gets done.

And as time goes on, and I'm crossing tasks off the list, and getting things done, then I can start prioritising and being more efficient.

But for now, I need to re-establish the momentum necessary to keep going, and that's enough.

'tis the season to be spending

I was in the local big shopping centre today. I haven't been for a few weeks, but needed to go to the Medicare office, and then walked through to the supermarket end. This Christmas decorations are out, the Christmas carols are playing, Santa's big chair is set up ready for photos, and there even appears to be a shop dedicated to Christmas lights (and maybe other Christmassy things - I didn't go in). In the supermarket, the hams are on display, and the gift boxes of chocolates are clustered in prominent positions at the ends of aisles.

And I'm not in the least bit interested. In previous years, I would be at least starting to think about gifts, but this year I've started priming the kids so they know we're not going overboard. Miss Tizz said she'll be happy with a book and a contribution to the Europe travel fund. The X-man would like "something Ben 10 that I don't already have", and neither of them were up in arms at my suggestion that we each choose a game that we already have, wrap it up, and we spend time playing each other's games over the holiday period. I've mentioned to my sister that I'll probably give her children money or gift cards, and I already do that for my brother's three teenage boys. I am going to leave the husband's family gift shopping up to him, and we don't buy presents for our siblings and their partners any more (although I may choose to spend my not-shopping time making a food gift). Apart from that, there are parents and aunts, and something small for the children to give their teachers.

I'm hoping, with the overhyped gift giving set aside to a large extent, that we can make this Christmas about time with people who matter.

i haven't washed my hair for two weeks

Well, not with shampoo anyway.

A while ago I went  for quite about six weeks using bicarb and apple cider vinegar instead of shampoo and conditioner. It worked ok, but it wasn't for me long term. And then a couple of weeks ago, on a whim, I decided to try a new approach, and stopped using shampoo, but washed with water and conditioner every third day. I found that my hair was getting very greasy, so stopped the conditioner too, and have just washed with water - every day - since.

At this stage, I feel like my scalp is still adjusting, but it's not bad and getting better all the time. My hair is certainly feeling a bit heavier - I don't have the light, fluffy hair you get when you strip the natural oils with shampoo - but I generally used to wash it every third day, and it's certainly no worse than it would be on day 3 of that regime.

Why? I like to challenge the accepted  norms a little. I don't like advertisers telling me I have to do/use certain things. I want to simplify my life in small increments.

I may shampoo before I go to the hairdresser next time, but if I can go the rest of the time between hairdresser visits using only water, I think I'd like that.

I'm finally learning that life doesn't have to be all or nothing.

I also learned today how irritating it is to have someone say to you "What are you doing on such and such a day?", clearly indicating they want something from you, but asking you to leave yourself wide open and without an escape route before they tell you what it is. It got my defences up immediately, and even though it turned out to be something I was quite happy to help with, there was no way I was going to commit myself before I knew what I was committing to. I know I've been guilty of this at times, so my apologies if I've done it to you, and I'll try to avoid it in future!

just get on with it!

I think Leo Babauta can read my mind some days. This is his Zen Habits post that landed in my inbox today - I tick far too many of these points far too often, and I'm reproducing his post here as a reminder to get on with it. Interesting that this arrived the day after I post about some things that I've stopped thinking about and just done ...

-------------------------------------------

The Little Rules of Action

Posted: 09 Nov 2009 06:49 AM PST

“The shortest answer is doing.” - Lord Herbert

Post written by Leo Babauta.

Too often we get stuck in inaction — the quagmire of doubt and perfectionism and distractions and planning that stops us from moving forward.
And while I’m no proponent of a whirling buzz of activity, I also believe people get lost in the distractions of the world and lose sight of what’s important, and how to actually accomplish their Something Amazing.
And so today I’d like to humbly present a few little rules of action — just some small reminders, things I’ve found useful but by no means invented, common-sense stuff that is often not common enough.

1. Don’t overthink. Too much thinking often results in getting stuck, in going in circles. Some thinking is good — it’s good to have a clear picture of where you’re going or why you’re doing this — but don’t get stuck thinking. Just do.

2. Just start. All the planning in the world will get you nowhere. You need to take that first step, no matter how small or how shaky. My rule for motivating myself to run is: Just lace up your shoes and get out the door. The rest takes care of itself.

3. Forget perfection. Perfectionism is the enemy of action. Kill it, immediately. You can’t let perfect stop you from doing. You can turn a bad draft into a good one, but you can’t turn no draft into a good draft. So get going.

4. Don’t mistake motion for action. A common mistake. A fury of activity doesn’t mean you’re doing anything. When you find yourself moving too quickly, doing too many things at once, this is a good reminder to stop. Slow down. Focus.

5. Focus on the important actions. Clear the distractions. Pick the one most important thing you must do today, and focus on that. Exclusively. When you’re done with that, repeat the process.

6. Move slowly, consciously. Be deliberate. Action doesn’t need to be done fast. In fact, that often leads to mistakes, and while perfection isn’t at all necessary, neither is making a ridiculous amount of mistakes that could be avoided with a bit of consciousness.

7. Take small steps. Biting off more than you can chew will kill the action. Maybe because of choking, I dunno. But small steps always works. Little tiny blows that will eventually break down that mountain. And each step is a victory, that will compel you to further victories.

8. Negative thinking gets you nowhere. Seriously, stop doing that. Self doubt? The urge to quit? Telling yourself that it’s OK to be distracted and that you can always get to it later? Squash those thoughts. Well, OK, you can be distracted for a little bit, but you get the idea. Positive thinking, as corny as it sounds, really works. It’s self-talk, and what we tell ourselves has a funny habit of turning into reality.

9. Meetings aren’t action. This is a common mistake in management. They hold meetings to get things done. Meetings, unfortunately, almost always get in the way of actual doing. Stop holding those meetings!

10. Talking (usually) isn’t action. Well, unless the action you need to take is a presentation or speech or something. Or you’re a television broadcaster. But usually, talking is just talking. Communication is necessary, but don’t mistake it for actual action.

11. Planning isn’t action. Sure, you need to plan. Do it, so you’re clear about what you’re doing. Just do it quickly, and get to the actual action as quickly as you can.

12. Reading about it isn’t action. You’re reading an article about action. Ironic, I know. But let this be the last one. Now get to work!

13. Sometimes, inaction is better. This might be the most ironic thing on the list, but really, if you find yourself spinning your wheels, or you find you’re doing more harm than good, rethink whether the action is even necessary. Or better yet, do this from the beginning — is it necessary? Only do the action if it is.

“Talk doesn’t cook rice.” - Chinese Proverb

progress

I'm tired tonight, so I might take advantage of that and try to get a little more sleep than I usually manage. So just quickly ...

I've taken some steps in the right direction in the past few days:

• I've written a letter which has been hanging over me for a while. I hope it is received in the spirit in which it was written, and I hope it can help heal.
• I've started on the decluttering path again. This is such a huge bugbear to me, and it's become very clear that I am the only one who has the problem with too much stuff (although a large part of it isn't my stuff), therefore I need to take positive action to make it change. So I am giving away, donating to the school fete and charity, throwing out, and working through it slowly. And because I am doing it for me, I don't feel so hard done by when I'm the only one doing it.
  
• I've made the sleep clinic appointment, and the GP appointment so I can organise the revised referral..
• I've planted some seeds.
• I've started to work out some more definite travel plans. It's only going to happen if I make it happen, and I really really want this.
• I've realised I hit a brick wall between about 3 and 5pm, so I'm going to try to work with that. I will put in a concerted effort earlier in the day - paid work alternating with household and other commitments (because, oddly enough, by breaking it up I seem the achieve more) - and have time out in the afternoon when I can't concentrate well anyway.

I, of course, am the common denominator in all this. I don't want to wait around for things to happen, or for inspiration, or for other people. I want to do something to make things happen. And I am :)

mother fends off rabid dog

I'm not a big dog fan, unless I know them really well, and they know me. And then I'll just be a bit nervous and keep a careful eye on them the whole time they're near.

In Canberra, a lot of people walk their dogs (often off-leash) along the pathways through the suburbs, and it's a big reason I don't walk as much as I should.

This evening the X-man and I were walking down to the local Guide hall to collect Miss Tizz. There was a man walking a doberman (on a lead) along the path, and the X-man was eyeing it nervously. If it was just me, I would have headed off in another direction, but I moved so I was between them, took his hand, kept walking, and talked to him reassuringly while they passed.

I realised I wouldn't hesitate to put myself between them and an attacking dog, and that's one of my worst nightmares.

My children make me brave.