if i can't have a change of scenery

We've been in this house for ten years, and it's the longest I've ever lived in one place. Some days I feel like it's killing me.

When I was am angsty teenager I kept a journal - a real pen and paper one, written by hand, full of little dramas and great loves and bad poetry. I remember writing about my worst nightmare - a house in suburbia, a job, a family, and being in one place forever. And now I'm living it. It's not quite as bad as I imagined. I've survived so far. But I've realised that I'm only 'trapped' if I allow it (and I've been allowing it far too often of late).

If I look at it in a positive way, this is an opportunity to explore new things, but with a stable base to work from. That's something I need to remind myself of, often, when I start falling into a rut, because that's the biggest trigger for my 'down' times.

Perhaps I finally need to acknowledge that having goals could be a good thing. I've always been fairly fluid in my life - following interests and never having much of a plan. Perhaps now is the time for more lists. A list of things I want to do. A list of things I want to achieve. A list of places and things I want to see - in the flesh, not just on a screen. A list of things I want to be. A list of things I want to change. And a list of things I want to be rid of.