Gratitude

Last February, I focussed on finding something for which to be grateful every day.

Lately, I've been finding it very easy to sink into the mire of 'it's all too hard', 'I didn't sign up for this', 'why should I when no-one else makes an effort?' and 'stuff it. I don't care any more'. I really don't like heading in this direction, so it's time to lace up my boots and go looking for the good stuff.

I mean really - what do I seriously have to complain about? We haven't been flooded, hit by a cyclone, or had to deal with the possibility of bushfire this summer. Everyone we know is safe, even if the family in the Clarence River area did get their feet wet recently.

Both kids are healthy, back at school, and loving it.

It's not so hot at the moment, and the hot week we did have reminded me to be grateful when the cool change rolled in.

We have food in the fridge and pantry, and more is just an internet order away. And I don't even have to carry it in.

I have plenty to read, whether just for entertainment or to learn something new.

We have plenty to wear. In fact, too much, so I've been culling and donating bags of clothing.

The dishwasher died this week (it's nearly 10 years old, and I don't think you can expect much more out of appliances these days), but this has turned out to have its positive side: the kids are enjoying washing up, especially if it means time talking and singing and being a bit silly with Mum. And I'm enjoying having a clean bench and sink, rather than a pile of unwashed dishes waiting for the dishwasher to emptied.

There are lots of opportunities for free learning online, including many university open learning courses. I'm learning more about Roman history and culture at the moment.

I have enough work, and I'm lucky enough to be able to operate my own business from home.

We have a house full of too much stuff, and while that frustrates me often, I'm grateful that we live in an affluent society, and that I have so much choice. And I LOVE being able to cut down the clutter, a little at a time, and create more space and calm and opportunity. I LOVE giving things away that we have no more use for, and someone else might benefit from. How lucky are we to be so well off that we can give things away!

There's loads more, but I'm smiling now, so that will do for the time being.

What are you grateful for?

gratitude

I've had a whole month of gratitude, and it feels great :) In fact, you could say I'm pretty grateful for the opportunity to focus on gratitude in such a public way, and while there have been a few times when I feel like I've been scraping the bottom of the barrel to find something to be grateful for, it's been a good experience to think about not-so-great things in a positive light.

I plan on staying positive, but now that we're moving into a new month, I'm moving on to a new bloggy theme, and I'm pretty grateful for the change, too :)

ouch

I failed to post yesterday because I have a headache - sinus-related - and it hurts to look at the screen. It's still there, but there is an upside, for which I am grateful: it means I will spend less non-work time on the computer this weekend, and more time doing 'real' things.

And I'm thinking about a theme for March ...

the smell of smoke

An early start to the gratitude today. In fact, about nine hours ago, when we discovered the smell of smoke was not coming from our house. It was next door. Also very grateful that everyone (mum, dad and three kids, including a baby) got out unharmed. Grateful that the fire fighters arrived and put it out quickly. Grateful that they don't use sirens in the middle of the night, so our kids slept through the whole thing. Grateful that the family has more family in Canberra, so they're not stranded.

Just very grateful for a lot of things today.

losing the stigma

The past two Wednesday nights there has been a television program that I made sure not to miss: Stephen Fry's 'The Secret Life of the Manic Depressive'. I'm very grateful that someone like Stephen has been able to talk about his condition, and talk with other people who are dealing with bipolar disorder in different ways.

I'm also very grateful that the program didn't push the medication aspect of treatment, because this is something I am very uncomfortable with.In fact, one of the things he did with each person was to ask them whether they would choose to push a button that would make them perfectly 'normal', given the option. And almost every person said no. I certainly wouldn't. The 'up' times are amazing, and absolutely worth the bad days. The program did talk about cognitive behavioural therapy this evening, and I'm fine with that, and talking through strategies for getting through the more extreme times, but lithium for someone like me? No thanks. I can kind of understand it if you were uninhibited to the point of being dangerous, but generally once you're on it, you're on it for life, from what I've heard and read. I have trouble taking aspirin for a headache until I'm at the point where I can't function because of the pain, so medication for life? I can't imagine it.

But I am glad these things are talked about more these days, and that the stigma is is slowly disappearing. It's not something I talk about all the time, and I'm certainly not affected enough that it rules my whole life - it's just part of who I am, and I'm fine with that and wouldn't choose otherwise.

time

I've been trying to avoid using the word 'busy' for a while - I don't like the way being 'busy' has become such a competition. But it's an apt word for the past few weeks. The immediate work insanity has now passed (mostly), and it's time to reassess priorities once again.

I am grateful that I have 60 minutes every hour, 24 hours every day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. What a gift! And how often I waste that gift. It's the same amount of time given to everyone, and isn't it amazing how differently people use it? Some people never have enough time, some have time on their hands. Some are cash rich and time poor, and some the other way around. And too often time seems to slip between your fingers, and the day is gone before you know it.

I think I've mentioned it before, but an artist friend once said to me (when I was complaining about not having time to paint or draw) that I have 8 hours to sleep, 8 hours to work, 4 hours to do all the things I *have* to, and that leaves 4 hours that I can choose to use in various ways.

So I'm going to try to focus on that pattern, and gift those four hours to myself - to draw, make music, to play with the children, to try new things. Imagine! Four hours, every single day! 4 x 365 = 1460 hours a year. That's 60 days! Two whole months every year to do the things that really matter to me!

It inspires me to see how much work I can achieve in an shorter work week (and being self-employed, I don't need to work set hours), so I can increase my 'free' time :)

i'm not a domestic goddess

I'm not much of a housekeeper or a cook. I generally manage to keep the laundry under control, loathe washing up, and housework tends to be fairly low down on the priority list.

So I am very grateful for anything that means less housework time for me, and I never take the appliances for granted:

• the washing machine - small but going strong for over a decade. I keep thinking that we should get a bigger one, but I can't really justify it when this one doesn't need replacing. It doesn't have too many options, and as far as I'm concerned that's a big plus - I just want to switch it on and let it do its thing without too much input from me :)
• the clothes drier - I always used to say I wouldn't have a drier, for all the right environmental reasons. And then I had babies in winter in Canberra, pukey babies who went through many changes, and who I chose to cloth nappy most of the time. A drier was a godsend, especially when it was a gift from my parents. It's nearly nine years old, and hasn't skipped a beat. I try to minimise its use, but in sub-zero temperatures I sometimes succumb.
• the dishwasher - did I mention I loathe washing up? I have a theory that if anything is so delicate that it can't go in the dishwasher, it doesn't deserve to exist. I've also figured out that half a cheap dishwasher tablet per load does just as good a job as the expensive detergents. This one is also nearly nine years old, and has only needed one service callout - the husband watched carefully, and once every two years or so when it does the same thing, he can make it all right again within ten minutes :)
• and today's star appliance: the Thermomix :) I don't use him near as much as some of my friends who actually like cooking, or who have large families to feed, but I do use him enough to justify the expense. Tonight he came to the rescue with a delicious beef stroganoff, on the table in less than half an hour from when I realised I was running out of time to get to my Italian class. 

I've had too many late nights working recently, so I'm also grateful that I'm heading for bed before midnight tonight! Goodnight :)

guides

Top of my gratitude list today is the Girl Guides of Australia organisation. Miss Tizz joined a couple of years ago, and she's stuck at it far longer than I thought she might at the time.

A couple of the local divisions got together this afternoon for a few hours of learning, making and doing, centred around their Thinking Day theme, "Girls worldwide say together we can end extreme poverty and hunger". They learned that people in some parts of the world can't just buy everything they need, as we can. They made clothes from newspaper, carried water from the lake in buckets on their heads, made their own toys, and learned a little about conditions in parts of Africa, Asia, and Haiti.

While an event like today won't do much in practical terms to help end suffering, it does start the process of making children think about others, and who knows where those thoughts, introduced early, will lead in the long run ...

changes in the wild backyard

Our lawn mower man hasn't been well, and the yard has been looking like you could lose a small child in it lately. However, he turned up on the doorstep yesterday, and the children are safe again (well, as safe as they can be with the 'parts cars' around, but that's an ongoing story ...). So I am grateful for his timely arrival, and the efficient way he can tame the wild in couple of hours.

I'm also grateful for the husband's work outside lately. He has a longstanding injury that prevents anything happening quickly, but he's been slowly putting up some beams between the house and the garage, and it's made a big difference already. The plan is to eventually roof it over and pave or concrete the ground, to eliminate the patchy bits of grass in this area, and make it a useful, pleasant space. We plan on having lots of edible plants in pots, but still allowing room for the trailer to be moved into the back area.

I'm loving the shadow patterns from the beams :)

One of the husband's hobbies is hydroponics, and his tomatoes have really taken off this year. There are just two tomatoes in that mass of greenery behind the potted lemonade trees in this photo - he had to tie them to the gutter to get them up off the ground, and they are laden with fruit. There are more photos of the wild backyard over on my other blog if you're interested.

one thing, and one thing only

I am very grateful it's Friday. It's been a less-than-ideal week, but at least the end is in sight and I have made it through most of the things I had to achieve.

I think it might be beneficial for me to set aside some time to do things I want to do, rather than just slogging through what I have to do. The want list includes drawing, playing the piano, trip planning, playing with the kids, but when it's busy, they are the first things to fall off the agenda. Which makes me resent the work. Which makes me stressed and less efficient, and then there's less time for the good stuff. I really need to get past this, and it seems that step one is prioritising the fun :)

Funnily enough, I came across a link to a blog about drawing a couple of days ago, and it's a reminder that there really is no excuse.

this way there be dragons

Work has exploded again, and while I know that these late nights trying to get it all done are madness as far as keeping the demons/dragons/black dogs at bay (and they're not much good for my physical health either), I'm finding it nigh on impossible to keep it to a sane level at this very moment in time.

I have just written a list of things I need to get through tomorrow (which is already today, but until I actually get to bed it still counts as tomorrow as far as I'm concerned), and am going into panic mode. A large chunk of the work is limited by conference dates; it might arrive late from the client, but there's no give in the timeline at the other end, so it's late nights and manic work speed for the next few days at least.

But I need to focus and be grateful regardless of the pressures. I'm grateful for:

• my family, who despite initial complaints have taken to the idea of a list of how each person will contribute to the family. I made up an initial list today while taking a short break (does it count as a break if I'm still sitting in front of the computer?), and wrote down a short list of tasks for each person to complete this afternoon/evening. Simple things like putting lunch boxes in the kitchen, fun things like sitting down together for afternoon tea and chatting about our day, and unavoidable jobs like unpacking this dishwasher. Miss Tizz kicked up a fuss at first, and I'm not proud to say there were some harsh words exchanged, but once we'd all calmed down they could see it wouldn't take long, we ALL had things to do, and a bit of swapping and helping each other was fine. And then the X-man asked for a morning list (which I'm not going to do tonight, but will try to organise tomorow). Once we have a week's worth of these under our belts, it should all be quick and straightforward to keep it going.
• my husband, who made me a hot cup of tea (with two sugars) when I really really needed it this evening.
• the work - well, let's be honest, it's the money that will come from the work is the really attractive part at the moment.

gratitude wrap

I think after talking about putting it in writing a few days ago, I might just have to make one of SouleMama's Gratitude Wraps to make it even easier (PDF pattern here).

Today I am grateful for:

• the opportunity to be involved in my children's school by being a member of the School Board and the P&C :)
• the husband volunteering to drive me to a meeting (and hang around waiting for the return journey) this morning because I was so very tired after an exhausting day and very late night yesterday :)
• my fabulous mother, too far to visit as often as I'd like, but only a phone call away when I need to hear her voice (my father's not too bad either, but he invariably hands the phone over to mum) :)
• the fact that it's only Tuesday night - I have a lot to stuff into the rest of the week!

another quick list

Just another quick list from me this evening, because once again it's getting late, I've been flat out all day, and it's probably a wee bit more important to sleep than to blog.

Today I am grateful for:

• the school my children attend, and the teachers who are guiding them through these primary years. We had parent-teacher interviews today. I hadn't talked to either of their teachers much previously, so it was interesting to get to know them a little better. They both seem genuinely interested in the children in their care, and to like my children in particular :)
• children who know (mostly) how to behave appropriately in different situations. They might be appalling at home, but the teachers apparently never see their devil aspect :)
• the decision, opportunity and support to attend Italian language classes. I know I said something about this last week, but today has been frantically busy, and it was lovely to head out after dinner to something that was for me :) Grazie!

i should be grateful ...

... and mostly I am, but it's a little difficult at midnight on a Sunday when you're still working, and know it's going to be a flat out day tomorrow. So a deep breathe and dredge deep:

• I am grateful for lots of work, because it eventually leads to travel (repeat frequently).
• I am grateful that we only had one small, slow leak to contend with in the weekend of rain, and once it's dried out, some silastic should fix it.
• I am grateful that we all, as a family, enjoy Doctor Who together, and there was a new episode on tonight, and another next week (even though we say goodbye to David Tennant).
• I am grateful that, with the help of the CPAP machine, I should get a good night's sleep and will feel better about the workload in the morning :)

putting it in writing

I love receiving letters, cards, even just little notes in the mail. I mean real letters, not bills or advertising pretending to be a personal letter. They're becoming more and more rare - it's far easier, faster and generally cheaper to phone, text or email. But there's a certain pleasure in a handwritten letter or card that an electronic communication just can't compete with.

Knowing how much pleasure I get out of it, I'm going to make an effort to use Australia Post more, especially for thank you notes. We always try to acknowledge birthday and Christmas cards and gifts, but usually with a phone call or email. I'm going to start sending personal notes, and encouraging the children to do the same.

Today's gratitude list:

• more rain! It's been raining most of the day - good soaking rain that we really need, and there should be more tomorrow too :)
• a very quiet day. The husband had to go out for a short while, but the kids and I stayed in and read, played on computers, watched some television, played a new board game (MIL arrived just in time to join in!) ... The sort of quiet, restful day we need to recharge :)
• there were no complaints about dinner. We have a bit of an issue at the moment, where the kids will start complaining about dinner before it even hits the table, but tonight they were fine :) May have had something to do with me not calling it a risotto ... ;)
• did I mention how much we need this rain? :)

three things

Not much to say today, so just a short list of things I'm grateful for:

• online ordering and home delivery. We're going to try out Aussie Farmers Direct - 100% Australian produce - milk, cheese, cream, butter, bread, eggs, meat, fruit & vegetables, delivered to the door. Hope it's as good as it sounds!
• the family who invited Tara for a playdate this afternoon. Lovely people, and a friendship I'd like to encourage :)
• a cooler change to the weather, and more rain :)

sometimes it's not so easy to be grateful

Today was one of those days. Specifically this afternoon. Even more specifically, the part of the afternoon from when the children arrived home from school until they went to bed. And specifically the part that involved the girl child. Apparently (according to her) we hate her. In fact, everybody hates her and she's going to run away. Again. *sigh*

It was pretty unpleasant before swimming lessons (although, remarkably, she was fine during the lesson), then it took a turn for the worse. And nosedived further when we came straight home instead of buying dinner (we have takeaway sometimes on swimming lesson day), and further again when she had to (horror of horrors!) shower and wash her hair to get rid of the chlorine from the pool. There was a short respite from the shouting when I phoned Grandad while supervising the shower, although she used the time to write insults on the shower screen, carefully writing backwards to ensure maximum legibility from the outside. We left her under the running water longer than normal, and she calmed down. Still not happy, but at least not at top volume.

The joys of parenting!

In spite of all that, there were bright spots:

• the X-man chose to be the perfect child today. He tried harder at swimming than he has for a long time, didn't complain about missing out on takeaway, and refrained from squabbling with Miss Tizz despite her best efforts to pick fights. And he was asleep within minutes of lights out :)
• we were able to put together a quick dinner despite not having an alternative planned.
• the computer that's been taking up most of the coffee table for weeks has been delivered to its new owner. One more thing out the door :)
• Mum rang up for a chat, and she's just as excited about the planned Europe trip as I am. She'd be joining us given half a chance :)

And I'm grateful for those things that made a tough afternoon not quite so bad.

nothing extraordinary

Just an ordinary day today.

The morning rush (shower, dressed, breakfast, make lunches, clean teeth, makeup, hair, is everybody ready? Out the door!), get the children to school on time, head over to the pharmacy to put in the prescriptions for the husband's medicines, grocery shopping (and a quick coffee), bank, back to the pharmacy to pick up the medicines, home, lug the groceries inside, work, read blogs and forums online, lunch, more work, send husband off to the GP, pick up children from school (practise Italian in the car before heading inside, and have a chat with a friend in the playground), home, more work, make dinner, eat, take daughter to Girl Guides, meet friend back at home for coffee and much talking, a quick check of the vegetable gardens while friend collects her daughters and mine (and then repeats the trip to collect my daughter's sash which was left behind), hustle children through shower and into bed, read online, watch television program, load and turn on dishwasher, load washing machine for tomorrow, bed (with CPAP machine) and hopefully sleep.

An ordinary day. And so very much for which to be grateful!

Water, food we can grow and buy, shelter, family, friendship, cars, health care, money, literacy, electricity, fuel, internet, work, education, activities, air-conditioning, space for a garden, coffee, a voice and hearing, the generosity of others, a safe place to live, free entertainment, appliances that take the hard work out of keeping house, my CPAP machine, the ability to sleep soundly and wake refreshed for another day.

And that's barely skimming the surface of all the things for which I am grateful just today :)

cultivating gratitude

All the happy people I’ve met are far from naïve and have a healthy realisation that life is not always shiny. I reckon accepting this helps you cultivate gratitude for the good things that come your way.

The quote above came from an email newsletter I received this morning (remember how I said relevant things just start falling into my lap when I'm concentrating on something?). The article is entitled Happiness is hard work. I relate to this quote because what I think of as my innate optimism isn't blind to the awful, tragic, unexplainable things that happen sometimes, but I do tend towards the attitude that things will work out over time. Perhaps my nice middle class, fairly comfortable life makes that easy to say, but I think I would work with whatever life threw at me with a similar sense of hope.*

Today I am grateful for:

• the phone call from my father for a quick chat and to tell me about a couple of television programs on Italy that were on tonight :)
• a seriously good laugh watching Stephen Fry's QI - no idea why I haven't watched this before - it's hilarious!
• getting back into the work groove - I'm ploughing through it now :)
• a boychild for whom losing a tooth is no drama - in fact if it's loose enough to be bothering him, he will ask the husband to pull it out (the tooth fairy came to visit last night) :)

*Note: This is 'normal' me speaking, rather than the version that spirals down at times. Fortunately this one is around more often :)

my head is spinning

I've had my first italiano class tonight, and my head is spinning! It's making sense, but it's going to take a lot of practise to remember and put it all together. First observations:

• nouns ending in 'a' are feminine, 'o' are masculine, 'i' are plural
• pronounce every letter - there are no silent 'e's on the end of words
• vehicles (boats, cars, trains, etc) are generally feminine
• meat is masculine, as is milk (don't know how they figure that one!)
• fruit is feminine (makes sense)
• there are informal and formal versions of just about everything
• 'ciao' has only appeared since WWII, and may be derived from the US 'cheerio'
• c (as in ciao) = ch; ch (as in bruschetta) = k
• there is a 'gli' sound that has no equivalent in English, and is going to take some odd oral contortions to master!

I have a pile of handouts and worksheets to look through before next week. I'm exhausted, but loving it! So very very glad I enrolled :)

And onto the gratitude list for today:

• obviously, the opportunity to enrol in courses and further my education :)
• a husband who can manage wrangling the kids to bed on his own (I hear on good authority that some can't!), thereby giving me the opportunity to do this course. And he'll have to do the bedtime thing twice on his own next week - Monday is the course, Tuesday is the first School Board/P&C meeting for the year :)
• some shred of organisational ability that enabled me to think ahead and make enough dinner last night for planned leftovers for tonight (so I could get to the course on time!) :)
• lots of work coming in - meaning that the trip is becoming ever more of a reality :)